I have recognized a really disturbing fact about myself. I'm not sure I can explain it very well.
When I deal with others I only deal with them on the surface. I don't think I recognize them as someone with feelings, or a soul. Someone like me with fears, concerns, pleasures, hardships, doubts and so on. Its almost as if there is a body with a head that words come from their mouth. They walk and eat and drink but I don't think I get much beyond that. I do somewhat with my family, probably not enough, but I might just as well be working with and dealing with robots as far as other people I work and come in contact with are concerned. I apologize. I'm truly sorry but I'm not sure I know how to change.
I don't like what I have learned about myself. I think it must have roots in my selfishness and self-centeredness. I'm so vain that I don't want others to see my true self. I'm not nearly as smart as I try to portray, nor am I as tough or composed.
Even though I screw up a lot I don't want others to think I do. I'm not sure I can see others as they truly are unless I'm willing to let them thru the facade I put up.
I'm 59 years old. What does it matter? You would think maturity would have shined a lite on this before now.
If you know how and can help me change I would appreciate your help.
2 comments:
I commend you for your post. It is very hard to speak out about our own shortcomings. Only you know within yourself if something needs to be changed and what needs to be changed and only you can change you when and if you want change. Thank you for being an encourager and showing others that when we see our shortcomings we can begin to change them no matter what our age.
How come you quit writing? You are very good and very interesting!!
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